The Man Who Ate Curses

 Apr 29 

12:23am

Had a good cry just now. Started my night out earlier listening to Oleta Adams phenomenal "Circle Of One" album on Spotify and then it was on to Earth Wind And Fire. Then I got to The Commodores and thats when the waterworks began. You see "Zoom" is such a powerful song for me. It always takes me back. I feel sad and then I feel how amazing my life has been...then I start thinking about the people I miss and how I wish there was a way I could go back in time or just see them again so I could hug them and say goodbye because (here come the tears again) in so many cases I never got the chance to say goodbye. I came out here to pursue my dreams, to pursue a better life and to find out who I was and in doing so I lost out or missed out on some things...some connections...people I know or knew died...moved away and in so many cases I became a stranger. I think about my aunt "Roqueamae" who helped raised me by taking care of me on weekends... She died a few years ago. She passed right before my sister Krystal did. I think of both my grandmothers. I did see and hug my moms mother shortly before her death but I completely missed out on spending precious time with my dads mom and for the longest I have had some guilt for it. Then came the song "Night Shift" Another one that gets me in the feels. I think of Marvin,Jackie and I think of all the people who are in a better place because of how crazy this world has become. So many have suffered so much and at times (a car plowed into a crowd in Canada the other day) its so much you get numbed to a degree. Life can get so crazy that at times it does feel like a nightmare. Despite all this it hasn't all been bad. My life hasn't been completely bad but I have made so many mistakes that I do wish I could go back and just...change. All I can do is make sure to keep trying to be good...I know there are times the rules must be broken yet I can't lose hope for the good it does to be good. Also maybe more important than anything else is to give our loved ones their flowers while they are still here. I think we tend to forget time is ticking and folks are getting older. The Crazy African told me the other day "No man is an island" and maybe ultimately he's right? It seems he does actually miss me and often I wonder if he is the only man who truly gets me in the way I need getting. That didn't come out how I meant it.

Hurt my arm a work weeks ago and now I'm getting physical therapy for it. Basically I damaged a muscle nearly tripping down some stairs. Took some time off work too. Took last night off as well. Its actually helped me spiritually to be away from that place. The time is coming for me to leave. This I can feel but I need to save my money and hold out just alittle longer as I search for better opportunities you know? The infinitely wise Madonna once said "You can only learn so much in one place" Since SHE said it it must be true. 😐  

In the meantime I started a kickstarter for my Sasquatch cartoon because I realized I'm in over my head and need to bring in some help to finish this project. It takes a village is something I sometimes forget I think. I am trying to get Sir Nathan back into acting especially since my story is built around the character he plays. Sir Nathan has a girl and two cats (one recently passed) We hung out last weekend. I treated him to dinner after we risked our safety and sanity by catching a "Waymo" out to The Grove. I think it was "The Gumbo Pot" we ate at. The food was awesome as always. The bread pudding was too good! Oh yeah and I also saw "Sinners" last weekend. Its a vampire movie starring Michael B Jordan in a dual role as twin brothers. 

Sometimes I find myself thinking of something or maybe its more than one thing and then I'll forget one of the things that was on my mind and its frustrating. Gotta get my eyes checked again so I can get glasses. Probably next week. Gotta go on a diet to lose this belly. (Yes I am about to drink some coffee and eat a muffin) I didn't say I was on the diet yet! I do wish I hadn't drank all that super sized strawberry peach boba tea I had earlier. Boba is a guilty pleasure. As is having too many apps knowing full well I need to cancel some, since I won't be able to keep up with everything coming on tv anyway and...well a brother needs to start seriously penny pinching. I mean right now. Saving money is VERY important and I wish I'd learned the value of this when I was a wee lad. You really can't depend on social security. I don't think any of us should... 

The Man Who Ate Curses (Book 2 The Declutterization of Sergio)

 I had the past few days off. It was a muchneeded break from all the craziness of this place. (Alarms going off now for GOD knows what) Finally got the two queen sized mattresses taken out by a company that removes junk. Cost me like $260...  but it was needed and since I have no social life it wasn't like I had anyone I could call to help so... Also I ordered a futon. That should arrive sometime later today. I'm so gald because I do NOT want to sleep on that hard assed carpet again! As for the job fair well I sorta attended. It was actually a 3 day event but I chose to go on the last day and that event was mostly a meet and greet thing at a hotel. I'd actually went to the wrong location on my first trip. Cost me almost $50.00. Had to cat another LYFT to the right location. That cost me almost $40.00 then it was another $30.00 to go home. The whole thing was so packed and it made my anxiety skyrocket. I did give out copies of my DragonManx comic though then I jetted. 

When I got here at work I still had to deal with my badge not working. Thankfully a staff member was able to help me access the elevator. I went in the conference room on the 2nd floor to chill a bit before my shift (like I have been doing for years) It was a risky move as some guard(s) recently fucking up by sneaking into folks workspaces and messing with shit caused our bosses to ban us from using other spaces for breaks. Theres always some folk who mess thing up for everybody else. Thing is I NEED that personal space to unwind and get it together before starting work at this circus. I just hate being forced to sit in the kitchen where you really have no privacy. We already have no privacy because glass walls are literally EVERYWHERE here. In other news Nintendo might have to raise the already high price of their new Switch 2 due to Trumps tarrifs. We won't know anything for sure for a couple of months I think. As it is Nintendo canceled plans to start pre-orders on April 8th or 9th. I might get one but I may have to wait as most of my money will likely be tied up in my projects for the rest of 2025. 

The Man Who Ate Curses (April 1 2025)

 (To 3 hours of the best Star Wars music=Youtube)

https://youtu.be/9WGj1bLS-yg?si=ZjN2ctn3nSMJkOGZ

I'm really looking to my upcoming vacation. I will be off work the next four days. Sort of a mini vacation I guess. Since I couldn't get Monday off for the Caesar Chavez holiday I took Tues and Wednesday. Since I have Thurs and Fri off I ended up with four days off back to back. 6 O'clock can't get here fast enough though. I am so done with this place and all the craziness. There was this thick white chick who was yelling and running up and down the halls in the youth housing trying to fight with someone outside. Some dude tackled her to keep her from going out and I was so glad when my relief came to relieve me as I just didn't wanna be over there anymore in case shit jumped off which it did later on. I was so glad I was at another post because the police ended up getting called and the other guards had to deal with that shit. I thank the powers that made me because shit went down right before we were supposed to switch and I woulda been over there. My heart was beating so fast from all the caffeine in my system cuz I'd had coffee with a red bull earlier. Things are getting so crazy around here. Someone pissed in the back of the building and then we have all these tents outside. Someone planted these huge cactus plants in big pots to deter the homeless yet they vandalized the plants the other day. My badge to allow me entrance stopped working suddenly so I'm having to deal with that. Someone drank a V8 I had in the fridge the other day and folks keep leaving that kitchen patio door open which someone allegedly snuck in to steal my shit awhile back. The parking gate still is a big problem as dispatch can't close it and patrolling guards have to keep going to shut it which takes time off our patrols plus folks can sneak in sometimes. Last week an employee had her car stolen and wrecked by the person who stole it and was eventually apprehended. A day later homegirl was right back out on the streets. Just the other day a Hispanic man from another dept made sure he locked and closed an office door when he saw me sitting in one of the conference rooms nearby. It felt like a direct insult or maybe everyone is suspicious since some guards have been suspected/accused of stealing or sleeping in folks offices on breaks. I think of quitting way too often and I feel like I'm a hairs breath away from doing it if anything else crazy jumps off. I'm going to a job fair Saturday because I can't stay in this stressful environment. In the meantime I gotta cut back on my spending. ALOT. Still working on clearing out the clutter from my place though. Getting my bed tossed Friday so I can have more space and probably next month I gotta put some things in storage. Just until I can get my crib more organized cuz right now it looks like a tornado tore through it.