(TO CHILLED HIP HOP AND SOUL MIX #1 & #2 BY RAPHAEL)
Chapter 4
Well February is almost done and we are heading into Daylight savings time. Egg prices are getting higher, big videogame companies are in trouble because of high budgets and loooooong develpoment cycles...meanwhile I'm not sure if Donald Trump and Elon Musk are helping save the country or if they are trying to destroy it. I guess I hoped 2025 would be saner than 2024 but looks like that may not happen. Just yesterday while riding on the bus to work a crazed white guy ran up and threw water(?) at my window. But at least I finally got around to getting a new and more powerful laptop. (What the hell is up with this keyboard here at my post??? Some letters are sticking!) Anyway the company that made my laptop is called "Gigabyte". They are known for manufacturing computer parts so thats a good thing. The laptop is from last year and its pretty current with specs. Not sure how much in the way of "AI" is has baked in (Thats all the rage these days) but it has 32 gigs of RAM and it makes all my games look like brand new games I never played before so I'm happy. Even if it does run a bit HOT at times and the fans sound like jets about to take off. I'm happy. Not so happy it cost me over a grand but what can you do. It was quite the accomplishment living up to my New Years resolution which was to get a new laptop once the tax return check came. Speaking of checks it seems Donald and Elon found a bunch of money when they laid off a bunch of fed workers and investigated (allegedly) some crazy spending by organizations ripping American citizens off moneywise. As a result a $5000 check could be heading our way. Probably will take a year to go into effect. We'll see. I could certainly use the money. I'd use some for my SonsofLegend short film (meeting about that later this week) and put the rest in the bank and not touch it. I imagine I could produce a short for about $2500 as I have plenty of experience with low budgets yet a crowdfunding campaign might be the better route to take. The safer route to take. Honestly I'm not sure how long I'm gonna keep working here because my spirit is just tired so I need to save as much money as possible in case something crazy happens and I decide its time to give notice. Now don't get me wrong...this is not a bad job perse...its just there are so many changes happening and some of us are really worrying we are being pushed to the door. The union seems useless and some of the things we have to deal with would over time work anyones nerves. Also I'm tired of people telling me what to do and just tired of being tired you know? Mostly these days I don't feel all that energetic or maybe its when I get here. I'm not sleeping well and my back hurts sometimes or maybe its my kidneys. Then theres the clutter I'm still working on. Emotionally a part of me seems like its gone numb and the mere thought of dating fills me with a sense of dread. In some ways I think the concept of dating men is something I've largely abandoned. I'm not really into women either since its not something I've explored beyond high school. I guess at this point in my life I want to just focus on making sure I'm okay. Making sure my future is secure. Gotta get this paper as they say and look out for my health. Well that needs to be a bigger priority. I took myself off the dating apps and theres a fellow on Facebook who has been doing the messenger chat with me for a couple of weeks although we've not talked,video chatted or spoken by phone. Part of me is suspicious you know. I'm pretty sure people I know look at my social media -on the low-. Some might even troll me. Some folks are not even who they say they are and I ain't got time for no mind games because I'm building my empire you know. Folks can just miss me with that nonsense. So yeah I've gone numb to dating. Maybe one day I won't feel this way or I will feel something you know but for now as they say its a trade off. Self pleasure has even gotten numb but at least I have my projects and my hobbies to keep me going. (Been dreaming frequently as of late too) Speaking of projects 2025 has already started to get busy with projects. Another comic is heading to the printer and there are at least two more coming before the year is out. The cartoon is coming along. Just had a much needed and too long put off meeting with the fellas last month so it should be done pretty soon although I might end up hiring some other folks to help out. Another reason to save my money and cut uneccesary expenses. Theres an event I might cover for my podcast this weekend if I have the energy. Need to plan some trips for this year too. Maybe I'll finally do that African trip but its also important I don't stress myself out trying to do too much because lately I've been well my thoughts have been so clusterfuck because maybe I'm thinking of too much at one time. If I were rich I'd hire a personal assistant but since I'm not rich a well thought out schedule will have to do instead.
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