Its Christmas Eve and I had a breakthrough just now while laying in bed really wishing I had some sort of sleep aid to help me sleep. What happened was as I lay there feeling kinda down and with a weird sort of irritation in my stomach my mind started flashing back in time and I was remembering or thinking of stuff I hadn't in years or just things I pretty much forgot. It was uncanny reliving these memories...Grandma Mary's house. Picking blueberries and boiling them and making sandwiches. Making banana sandwiches with a bit of milk,water and a bit of vanilla extract. Watching old cartoons. Watching Soul Train with Grandma Cora and my sisters in New York back when she was still alive. My first video game system (Coleco Vision) that we pretended to be surprised on Christmas morning when we unwrapped it! Playing with my little sister Fatisha when we were first introduced. Crawling around with her and some fuzzy memories of pumping water outside or using the outhouse and getting eaten alive by mosquitos. I thought back to spending time with friends and family...cutting school and reading comic books like Richie Rich or Archie digests. X-Men and even how sometimes I stole comics and videogames. Yeah some of the memories were unpleasant. I thought of Jeffery my first boyfriend and how much fun I had in my 20's going to clubs and hanging out at my Grandma Mary's house or even with some of my cousins who I have drifted apart with over the years. Being a kid and riding with my Grandma Cora when she went to pick tobacco then afterwards we all rode back home but not before stopping to get Mountain Dew sodas and chocolate moon pies from a local store. God I used to love those things. Marshmallow goodness sandwiched between two chocolate-covered cookies. I also love the banana ones and sometimes if I find them in the market I'll pick up a box. It was as if a light shined on my to burn away the dark cloud that has been hanging over me for awhile now as memories of my past helped me to remember who I really am as a person as opposed to the shadow of me I was becoming. If that makes any sense. If you are not careful the world and cruel people can turn you into a mockery of the person you're supposed to be. You have to remember the good in your life if you want to hold on to it. So it is true you are who you were. (Before the world got a hold of you and poisoned you)
Yesterday I got up and went out to catch the bus to go see Aquaman 2. After waiting over half and hour for the bus I realized I was gonna miss the 8pm show so I had to abort as I didn't want to catch a later show and risk being stranded waiting for a bus home. Honestly its a bit embarrassing to admit since I never use the data on my phone I have yet to figure out how to activate the service. (I only use the Wi-Fi functions if I am not using texts or phone call service!) Its these times really one starts to remember the convenience of having friends with cars. Especially here in LA where like 85% of the population seems to drive. At times I miss having a social life but mostly I've accepted on some level this probably won't change until I move up in life career wise. I think when you don't have a car to some its the equivalent of being a bum and it feel silly to say this but thats the way it is. This is why I sometimes consider moving back to New York (or to another big city) because not having a car there doesn't make you a social outcast. Before I decide to move Ima need to start putting some of my things in storage so I can have less clutter in my life. Putting my stuff in storage is gonna be an epic event which will involve moving in/out some furniture so I will likely have to call in some favors. Anyway since i didn't see Aquaman I just went to McDonalds and grabbed a 10 piece chicken Mcnugget meal with a sprite. Got back here where I played some Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodhunt on PS5 and watched some stuff on tv. The new Exorcist movie. Zach Snyders new Netflix sci-fi epic. Continental on Peacock and David Oyelowos western on Paramount. Still not really sleepy but I'll probably go back to bed after awhile. Really did want to fly somewhere for this holiday but my money wasn't quite right but I need to plan a trip to see my father really soon. Probably Easter because I'll have accrued adequate vacation time to visit long enough to really visit but not long enough that we get tired of each other. Over the next couple of months much of my focus and money will be towards getting SonsofLegend filmed. After New Years Day I'm gonna hit the ground running because I've been lagging behind on some of my goals. Yeah I have a list and I do take it out and look at it sometimes but I need to do it more often.
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