Confessions of a sad superhero book 128

Two guards were let go last week. Apparently, they let in someone who was not supposed to have access. I was surprised because usually people are given some sort of warning (as far as I know) before they are just let go. These were two VERY good guards and its not gonna be easy to replace them. Yes I do miss them. One gave me Sega Dreamcast and an OG PS3 like a month ago. I dropped the Dreamcast so I am sure its gonna require some repair. Ugh. My PS4 and ipod still require repair too. Wish I had extra money man because these things would have been fixed but my comics are still in production then theres the cartoon and the relaunch of SOL. If it wasn't for money I have in my Stash investments would be completely broke. Definitely need to improve my finances going into 2024. Gonna be doing some heavy-handed cutbacks soon...

Planning to go to Florida as usual for the Halloween holiday. I'd like to go to Universal while I am there because I haven't checked out Florida's Universal Studios yet. Seems bigger than the Universal here. I already told my nephew to make plans although he says its gonna be hella crowded with looooong lines on that day. It would be nice to spend some time with my brother but I'm having to make peace with the fact he and I are never gonna have that cool relationship some brothers have with each other. Its weird because I heard some pretty crazy things about his behavior over the years and he's been basically banned from my moms house except to drop off or pick up his daughter. Sometimes I feel really guilty and I get angry at myself for not spending time with dude when he was coming up. I think I could have been a positive influence in his life and maybe saved him from some of his butthead decisions. Maybe. Was too busy living my life and trying to figure out who I am. In some ways perhaps I still am.

Oh yeah the ambulance came here to assist with a baby who was having trouble breathing (I heard) 

Its all over the news now. Whats going on with Israel and Gaza (Hammas). Whats going on? Well on Oct 7th Gaza fired a bunch of rockets at Israel towns and broke through the border where they killed 1400 people and took hostages including elderly and children. Israel responded by bombing Gaza. (Hammas is an Islamist org which rules Gaza) On Tuesday a Gaza hospital was hit with an explosion and hundreds were killed. Its an insane situation and it just blows my mind how many people murder each other every single day over some BS. Its like we just need to be fighting each other or something. I think some folks can't stand the idea of peace. This conflict has been going on for awhile now and it looks like the US will get caught up in this mess which means its gonna become everyones mess because it'll likely lead to terrorist attacks...something we've not had to really deal with for a few years now. 

Confessions of a sad superhero book 127

So they shut down the 7/11 down the street from my job now at 11:30pm every night now. I have worked in the center for almost 17 years and this is the first time this has happened. 7/11 is usually open all night so now we have to go somewhere else for late night snacks or coffee. Supposedly this happened because of all the craziness that tends to occur in this area. Prostitutes and drug dealers hanging around. People fights. People stealing from the store. I myself witnessed a man chasing another man around in the store stabbing him with a screwdriver. A clerk was recently jumped and beat up by a bunch of folks. Staff have been assaulted. The straw that broke the proverbial camels back (allegedly) was the glass to the store being broken due to an attempt to snatch the ATM from inside. All this is to me is more freedoms we are losing or things being taken away because of the actions of nutcases. On the way in to work I had an interesting conversation with my LYFT driver who is from Japan and he was telling me about how in Japan mentally ill people are just taken off the street and placed in mental facilities. Also homeless are placed in programs to give them jobs or training. Crime happens but it is not like here and the law enforcement over there do not play. But then again folks are more civil over there and as one of my supervisors put it people are taught from an early age to actually give a shit about each other. Guns are not allowed either. Not saying Japan is perfect but man I am so envious of folks who live there away from the madness that happens here. Honestly I really have been thinking alot about moving out of the states. Just don't know when but I need a change so I'm not walking around in fight or flight mode literally ALL the time. They say stress releases some crazy chemicals in  your body and over time its a silent killer. That build up. I've lost weight. I feel tired so much of the time and there's this feeling of oppression that often affects my ability to focus or be creative. I think the rejection of a certain co-worker did some major damage that affected me on such a deep spiritual level it spilled out into the real world because I never just straight up said I was done with love and relationships and REALLY meant it. Really mean it. That shit put me in such a deep space I don't ever wanna go back to that again. Ladies and gentlemen we have found Sergio's "kryptonite". Yet what good is one who knows how to love in a world where everyone has forgotten how to love? I dunno...is everyone else just as scared to love as I am or did Thanos cast a spell to keep us from reproducing? This shit is real. People will walk away from a relationship-oriented truly good person who they can build something with and run to straight up garbage or unattainable folks or people they have no business messing around with because the very idea or concept of something pure scares them shitless or I think its just easier to have disposable rendevous as opposed to letting someone in enough so you and team up to overcome your issues. So sometimes it really is THEM and not YOU my friend. I am a dinosaur. I am like Captain America now...a man trapped in a time that is both equally unfamiliar and unsettling. Maybe its been this way since the moment I was birthed. 

Microsoft finally acquired Activision/Blizzard/King and I am soooo happy. I mean its gonna be cool having all those cool games available on GamePass and even better having access to them via the cloud on ANY device that exists. Can't really take advantage of GamePass here at work though since they block cloud access unless one has their own personal hotspot. Something I have considered investing in. Speaking of games this is a big week for gaming. A new Mario. A new Spiderman game. A new Sonic game. Even a new King Kong game. Its not very good though. Definitely needed some more time in the over to bake. I tried to record some of my gameplay footage for King Kong but the stupid recorder didn't record so we'll try again later. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some Sonic gameplay later as well because it has been taking forever to download and update for some reason. Sometimes I wonder if its because I want to play it so bad. Spiderman 2 is like 100 gigs on Playstation 5 so I gotta pre-install it starting today if theres any chance at all to play it this coming weekend. I hate that you have to open the PS5 to add more storage. At least Xbox lets you add external storage even though its expensive as hell. Might do a Nerds With Badges episode to discuss the new games coming out. Did actually film an episode like a week ago to talk about my new Chromebook Plus and it did feel good to be back doing something cool and creative like that. Really I wanted to test out that 1080 video camera the CB+ has! 

Had an interesting dream yesterday involving me taking a bus then falling asleep and ending up somewhere unfamiliar and taking a photo on my phone of an unusual looking building. Seems I may have been on my way to school which there was some dread about. Over the last few years I have been dreaming about school. These don't feel like good dreams at all because I was feeling apprehension of being there or some worries about school work or tests. School was particularly tough for me. Never fit in really and there were some bad people who went out of their way to thoroughly traumatize me for their own personal gain I guess. So yeah I don't want to have any dreams about being anywhere near a shool. Ugh. Well, an ambulance is outside now so I gotta cut this entry short and see what the hell is going on...

Confessions of a sad superhero book 126

The world really is changing. The 7/11 down the street from here (at work now) is closing at 11pm now due to the number of incidents that keep happening at the store. Incidents with people of questionable character. Sometimes homeless. Sometimes mentally ill. Sometimes troublesome prostitutes. Sometimes folks looking to rob the place. This is pretty sad to me because I have been working at this company for almost 17 years and I've witnessed how crazy things have gotten in or around the center. Downright dangerous at times even. Prostitutes, pimps and druggies or drug dealers hanging around with the kids that live here. Yeah it does bother me that the center has to be associated with this element of society. Don't even get me started on all the fights that happen here with the youth and staff who have been assaulted. Folks already have a negative view of the lgbt community. These things don't help and having this place here in this area makes it a hotspot for craziness. In my honest opinion there should be a fence around the building and in a perfect world we'd have several police officers working HERE in the building with us 24/7 along with a crisis counselor individual. Probably a nurse on staff as well. Is it a money thing that we don't have these things? When I look around me and I see all the rich and powerful lgbt people with their expensive clothes, nice cars and big houses none of that makes any sense. Make it make sense. 

I've been thinking hard about quitting here. Really hard. The pay is good and the benefits are off the chain but the level of stress associated with some of the things I  deal with are working my nerves to the point where...well I can feel its taking a toll on me. Its time to go. Been working on my projects so thats a good thing. Been playing the lotto and trying to save money while trying to think where can I go to get away from the madness. When I first came to LA I didn't really understand why people walk away from good paying jobs and move out into the country to live in a little cabin but now I totally get it. In all honesty I don't know that I will ever feel "alright" but it is not good running around all the time in fight or flight mode because your environment won't allow you a moment to relax. Even at home sometimes I come under attack by neighbors. Its not as intense as it used to be but its still there. Almost as if to remind me they are still here and because they are unhappy or unable to move on so be damned if they let me properly heal. (Why not simply focus on living the best life they can with the time they have instead of focusing on me?) People are something else. Everytime I think about my stuff getting stolen here or the asshole who stole my shit in Detroit back in 2018 and all the things I have endured these last three years it is a bit much to take in. It does not escape me that there are people out here dealing with things that would probably keep me awake at night yet these scars on my brain might never completely heal. My nerves are shot to the point it may have given me conditions that prevent me from ever having emotionally satisfying relationships with anyone. Am I really not relationship material or did I just "become" from messing with fucked up individuals until the camels back broke? Its a question I'm asking a lot these days. 

Been doing some research and it seems I have a rare(?) condition. Luckily after poking around I found others online in forums talking about this shit. The condition is where you unconsciously or uncontrollably watch others with peripheral vision. I honestly don't know what the hell this shit is or why it happens but its something I've struggled with since I was a youngin. Sometimes I wish I could wear those blinders like horses or funky glasses like Spiderman because it feels like I am processing information around me too much and too fast to properly focus and that is why I struggle to relax around others. I mean folks can feel it and it makes them uncomfortable. I've noticed some things though like if I am playing a really intense game and someone is near it gets harder for me to focus on what I'm doing because maybe I am hyper focused on EVERYTHING. Years ago when I went to apply for a job I remember a question on the application asked me to describe everthing happening in the room around me and I did describe EVERYTHING down to a tee. I did. No exaggeration here and I never heard back from the company because I figured I scared them? In hindsight now I realize this "superpower" like any other can be problematic without control. So how then do I control it? Funky Spiderman glasses? Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to do nothing because its something you've had to deal with for so long it is "the new normal" or a readily available or practical solution isn't forthcoming. 

Sony got hacked the other day. Ransomware they call it I guess. Not sure if they paid but its not in the news anymore and the CEO for PlayStation announced his retirement after 30 years. Coincidence? Was there something damning in those 6000 files? Also, some former Ubisoft execs got arrested for sexual harassment allegations. A few years ago someone at Activision got in trouble for that. Its so crazy when I think about that. People working for a videogame company getting in trouble for sexual shit. Then again there's an unhealthy amount of toxic behavior in this community. Has been for years. Thats why Microsoft, Sony, Nintendo and other companies have had to invest so much in programs to protect online gamers from harassment or cheaters. What a mess we've made of things eh?

The Sasquatch animated short is moving along as well as my comic book projects and the soft reboot of my SonsofLegend webseries. There was an actor I really wanted to work with but he ghosted me and stopped returning my phone calls so I had to replace him. There was a cool actor who had responded to an earlier ad I'd placed on Craigslist for a voice actor. I liked how he looked and presented himself. A humble, educated and accomplished actor with plenty of talent can bring alot to a project. He'd be playing the role of Karter who is the son of Devin (The nephillim main character of SOL) Damon who plays "Devin" has been with me since my very first SOL project which was a teaser! He was more than happy to come back to reprise his role. The script for SonofLegend is done but it dawned on me I need to go back to make some key changes to make the story center more on Devin as he struggles to launch his unique reality tv show that trains wannabe superheroes. In the past for some reason this aspect of the concept was glossed over. Also, I don't wanna have so many characters running around because it bogs the story down. Sasquatch And The Mythology Sisterhood (my replacement for the property I lost ownership of Daughters Of Legend) was to be the relaunch of my SonsOfLegend universe yet I decided I'll go the route of relaunching SOL first and then bring in "The Squatch" afterwards. The cartoon will be my first SOL related project to launch though unless it takes longer to put together than the first episode of SOL. The first SOL episode could be pilot I suppose but I dunno. The length isn't something I have decided yet. If its to actually be considered a real short film with meat on its bones I think at least 15 minutes is ideal. I think I can set up a good story while introducing the concept and getting folks intriqued about what will happen next in 15 minutes. Considering the attention span of many these days you really don't wanna go longer than that. 15 minutes can fit on Youtube, Instagram and Facebook and an edited version can run on TikTok. Twitter can have the trailer. As was my plan from the VERY beginning of all this I wanna do a few episodes of four webseries...SonsofLegend,Sasquatch and The Mythology Sisterhood,Sins Of Legend and DragonManx then bring everything together in a full length film. That was my plan but it was derailed because my investor at the time and other parties who agreed with him didn't share or understand my vision. I spoke with a director yesterday who has equipment and he seemed interested enough in the SOL concept to ask for the script. I really hope he takes the job so we can get this ball rolling as I have been away from filmmaking for too long. I realize this is something dear to me. It just makes me feel more alive doing this shit you know? Thinking about relationships and the troubles of the world fall to the wayside when I can see a film project coming together.