It was an interesting weekend. I took a day off and spent some time with Mr. Ninja. We'd done lunch last weekend and we did the same Monday then after giving it some thought I invited him over. That might not have been a good idea. But I guess I am getting ahead of myself. We met over at the IHOP near me and as usual we had some great conversations. Its always stimulating talking with this guy because he has a big brain which makes him even more attractive. When we got back to my place it was pretty explosive because he is mad passionate. Holding on to his tight muscular body was like being enraptured by a hurricane. He kissed with so much intensity he mad my lips sore. Dude and I made some plans for Valentines day and he even said he'd come help me clean up my place. Now days later I am coming to the realization it was just a mistake to try and go there with him so soon. I mean I was trying to take my time and I did not let him go ALL THE WAY (even though I very much wanted to) He's not returning my calls which is definitely a bummer. As much as it hurts I'm glad we didn't go all the way because I think I'd have felt sooo damn cheap. This has been a problem of mine...falling so quickly. Insincts said just keep a friendship with this guy. I mean we are so different. So opposite. He tries to be so low keep and almost invisible with the low keyness and I feel like I am basically going back in the closet. We work for the same cmpany and I get the not wanting anyone to know but when we talk about going out to an amusement park he's worried...REALLY worried about someone seeing us. Sure I have my own reservations and horror stories about riding public transportation. Hell some folks I used to see just straight up stopped taking it because of the issues with crazies and some homeless folks that ride. I get it yet he wouldn't ride the train with me into Long Beach the other day. To be fair some guy tried to attack him on the train a few days ago. My point is in life sometimes you go into something and even though there are so many red flags the blinders are on and then you get caught out here looking and feeling like a fool. This type of thing can make some of us just give up on dating and romance altogether. I'm tired of banging my head up against the wall. There are times when I felt like I was missing something but in all honestly I was much happier back then being in my shell focusing on my own wants and needs...working on bettering myself and figuring out how best to make contributions to society. Focusing on the family and friends who do want and need me.
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