Confessions of a sad superhero book 85

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I just stayed in bed most of the day but my rest was interrupted by the sound of gunfire outside some blocks away. Then just moments ago an individual came ove to the door here crying and hysterical as they kicked and punched seemingly in an attempt to break the door. When I walked over they walked away. They also started screaming at a black car with tinted windows that drove over. It was surreal and my heart is beating like crazy. The energy drink I had just finished drinking isn't helping. People are really something else in this world and time we live in nowadays. I keep feeling more and more that I need to get out of this state. Probably this country. Speaking of out of control people on Jan 7th a young brother was detained and beaten by five black cops. He died from his wounds later and now after body cam footage and investigations 7 cops have all been relieved of duty and 3 EMTs have been fired. Last week someone turned a valve in one of our stairwells and set off a few alarms which really made the rest of that night a nightmare since we had to call the fire dept and the property manager came out. 

Pre-production has begun on a Sasquatch and The Mythology sisterhood short film. We are scheduled to start filming in June. So until that time we gotta get the script done and also I will be releasing episodes of the web series utilizing footage already shot. The comic will be coming out while I'm working on saving up the $6000.00 for the budget. Well unless I happen to come into some funding. That would be nice. Luckily I started work on the comic because we can use it as storyboards basically. Really the only thing that worries me is the Sasquatch costume. Ideally to save money and for maximum effect we should combine practical with CGI. So between now and June we have to figure it out. Meanwhile we need to lock down locations and scout for talent. I don't plan to use anyone from the web series in the other stuff. Better to recast I feel. I will see about getting some of the crew in some cameos or small roles. 

In other news I went on a date over the weekend. It was with my Jamaican friend who I have been talking with these past few months. It looks like we may take a little trip on Valentines Day. I still haven't completely made up my mind on this but a weekend over by disney is something I'd like to do. Get a hotel and then we can just go over to the park. Either that or Vegas could work. We still haven't really had the chance to be intimate. I was tempted to invite him over (He said he could even help me clean up my clutter) but its probably not the worst thing in the world to wait until we have had ample time to get to know each other.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 84

Had to cut Sir Nathan loose yesterday. I don't know for how long but he did something that really pissed me off. On purpose and just out of the blue. He and I got into it on New Years because he kept calling some actors ugly and it got to the point I just let it drop because I didn't want things to escalate but then the other day when I posted a promo poster on social media about the new "Last of us" series on HBO he goes and posts "Ugly black man" This really hit me hard and it was at the worst possible time for dude to do something like this. I don't like the idea of calling anyone ugly because I am sick of preconceived notions of what or who is beautiful. This is why so many folks suffer from low self esteem and this body shaming bullshit. I asked him to remove the post but he didn't so I just blocked him on instagram. I'm actually starting to get good at cutting people from my life. Sometimes it worries me but I don't need people in my life who play games with my head and try to hurt or manipulate me. Thats what enemies are for right? 

The whole thing with Nathan is messed up though because I had a meeting yesterday with the director who worked with me on a NWB episode and we are gonna go into production on Sasquatch and The Mythology Sisterhood. I'd planned some pretty cool stuff for Nathan but after we have released all the footage already shot as webisodes I will have to recast him. There are some other folks I have in mind for roles. Some I might ask. Some are flakes and we may need to audition some talent. There are a few actors I'd love to have come back to reprise stuff but some are SAG or union  which might make things difficult. We'll see. I spent much of tonight tinkering with a six page script. Probably will format it or have homeboy do it for me over the weekend. Theres no rush because I gotta save up a GANG of money. The filming date is tentatively set for sometime in April yet May or June even might be more realistic. I was planning to quit my job in a few months but for the sake of this film (and my comic book projects) I gotta hang on just a little bit longer... 

They started training us the other day on some new procedures since we have phased out the other security company that was helping us out. I was thinking of maybe changing my post just for a change of pace/scenery. I am so tired of having to deal with these kids. When I lived at a shelter and it was mostly all adults we never really had any problems. Here it can quickly go from 0 to 100 over some drama or questionable individuals hanging around trying to do shadey shit. Thankfully its been rainy and cold recently so folks are staying inside. The bad news is we got flooded and it might be awhile before all the elevators are working again on top of some other issues due to electrical damage. I really feel for the maintenance because they gotta go up and down the stairs to bring in or out trash. Ugh and I lost another damn laptop tonight. This is the second laptop/tablet hybrid that has died on me. The other one kicked the bucket back in Oct when I was in Florida visiting the moms. Perhaps these things are simply not worth having? I was uploading files and had the laptop playing Pandora as to not go into sleep mode which would stop the upload. When I couldn't get the computer to come out of sleep mode I had to do a force restart. Afterwards the stupid USB ports stopped working. I couldn't even get the damn thing to charge. Amazon told me they'd refund my money which is wonderful. Meanwhile I did a system cleanse that completed just as the power depleted. Luckily I had my chromebook but I need to get another laptop to keep here at work in my locker in case I ever don't fee like lugging a backpack to work. I have an older one but its not able to update to the latest windows and is LOW on storage/memory. It truly is always something.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 83

(To: "This is Earth Wind & Fire" Spotify Playlist -50 songs-)

This is one of those rare times when I am actually not at work doing a blog. But this morning was really out of the ordinary. See what had happened was I woke up around 3am and looked at my phone to see I'd missed a call from my job. There was a voicemail from my job though. I looked at the date and realized it was Tuesday morning and NOT Monday which meant I had somehow missed a day. Perhaps it was the knock-off NyQuil I drunk but I quickly got myself together because I wanted to at least show up for some of my shift. They told me because of the rains there were floods in the lower parking levels and on top of that the other guard I would have been working with had called off. He's been doing that frequently will often take a day off right behind me if I happen to call off. So anyway I came in to work with like an hour and a half before the shift ended. It was raining pretty hard for awhile and I had to wait for the prices to drop on Uber and Lyft because they were really high. Not sure why this works but after I restarted my phone the prices dropped down to reasonable. $15.00 is a whole lot better than $30 or $50 right? 

It still blows my mind that I thought today was Monday. I don't think this has ever happened before and its really got me thinking theres too much going on in my head and I need to take it easy. Sooner than later. There are alot of things on my mind. Been thinking alot about family lately. Dreaming about family members. Then theres that terrible incident that took place last month all because that cop cancelled on my Nerds With Badges show and I opted to try and film a show with "E" whose homophobic tendancies came roaring to the surface because he thought I called him a gay slang term. He did apologize but I don't belive he understands how devastating his actions were. Now I have to decide whether or not to even bother getting the episode edited or just eat the $500 dollars I spent for the film crew to shoot everything. This has really made me pretty much rule out the idea of ever having a co-host or guest anymore on my show. The people I have tried to work with don't share my passion and knowledge of the topics for discussion and although I've been open with restructuring its crazy to think folks wouldn't want to take advantage of a platform just being dropped in their laps which could actually elevate their exposure. I can't make people want to be passionate about something and having people that are limited in their ambitions as well as how they think can hold me back. Its like trying to break free of negative energy that tries to cling to you and weigh you down. Not to judge but when I look at how some people act and their way of thinking it becomes clearer why they haven't really managed to build anything for themselves. My circle needs to change. Or like Oleta Adams said sometimes its a circle of one. Sometimes it can be a lonely climb on the path to the top. 

Spoke to Captain Liberia the other day. His pregnant daughter moved out to stay with his other daughter. The one who'd previously run off to NY. The baby daddy is also staying there with them. Meanwhile his other daughter who is special needs is making progress in her programs and should be able to go into a more independent living situation eventually. Dude seems like he's getting burnt out on the whole gay life and expressed a desire to go back to dating women (if thats even possible) I didn't even know what to say as he said this stuff to me. I think I have in my mind moved on from Jonathan. Its just been so long since we have been intimate and I was forced to come to terms that he's just not that into me. Maybe he might have been at one time (let him tell it) yet I can't honestly say I really believe he ever was really in love with me. He never really acted like he was. When a person loves you they just do certain things and you can't really be mad when someone shows you over and over who they are. I think Jonathan may have never really experienced a healthy relationship so he never really learned how to be a good lover. Yeah the sex is awesome but emotionally he is distant. Am I supposed to tell him how to be better relationship material. Yeah I know I have my own issues yet in some ways I realize emotionally I might be more mature than many of the gay men who have crossed my path. When you realize there is so much BS out there mentally one can come to accept perhaps those days of dating and intimate relationships may just be things one must leave in the past. It is sometimes a struggle let me tell you. Some days are better than others. I don't want to be single. At the same time I don't really mind it if that be my fate. Sometimes the memories of what I had remind me it wasn't all bad. Up and down. Sometimes calm like a gentle rain and other times like a rollercoaster about to jump the tracks. There were some truly great moments and maybe just maybe my happily ever after is in fact right NOW. Some of us don't get that shining knight to come and save us. Some of us have to save ourselves from this lie that says we need someone else to come along and make us happy. 

Confessions of a sad superhero book 82

 (To Stevie Wonders Original Musiquarium via Spotify on my Ipad)

The year came and went. It was truly a bittersweet experience. Filled with adventure,wonder and excitement with some amounts of tragedy, horror and drama. Just as in 2021 Christmas holiday I ended up getting sick again and was unable to really do anything during the three days off I had. I used one of those stupid covid tests the job gave us and my results came back negative. I was kinda expecting to test positive because this was a pretty intense affliction. I had a headache. My throat was all kinds of weird and I kept blowing my nose like literally every five minutes. Could a snot dimension somehow exist inside me and that's another one of my freaky mutant powers. What are my other freaky mutant powers? Heightened strength, smell, taste, and hearing. (Sometimes freaky balance) Heightened reflexes/reaction time. Empathic (Incoming and outgoing. Often hard to control) ability. Regenerative talent. Ability to sense spirits. Some degree of time manipulation. Precognitive. Sometimes lucid dreaming. (Thats where you take control in your dreams and make things you want to happen happen) Reality manipulation. There's also this talent to inspire others. But I guess when you think outside the box and ask all the questions including the uncomfortable ones thats bound to happen(?) 

Since I was unable to go to Disney like I planned I ended up going to Universal Studios with Sir Nathan The Unpredictable. I swear the more time I spend with Sir Nathan the more things about him that make me go...wait a minute...is this guy really someone I should call a friend? I suspect many of us use the word "friend" loosely. So there was this incident in particular... As we were walking towards an attraction I noticed this guy crying his eyes out. He was sobbing so hard and I could tell he was in so mcu pain. I stopped to look as did some others just really trying to see what was going on and to make sure he was okay. A young hispanic guy came over to hug and provide some comfort. Nathan was so irritated that I stopped and seemed completely devoid of any compassion. I am not kidding when I say even when I got home there were times  the sound of that guy sobbing crept into my head and  it came with a terrible feeling. Also sometimes dude can be VERY critical. It could be at times he says certain things just to get a rise out of me. Like he straight up said Jonothan Majors is ugly and refused to back down when I told him how negative and mean-spirited it is to say something like that about someone. We got into it also because he went on about how Hollywood only casts dude because he's ugly. I kept reminding Nathan that just because he says someone is ugly does not in fact make it true and that is only his opinion. I have noticed alot of that going around. Instead of saying "I think" or "Its my opinion" people simply state something as fact. Like critics with reviews and often folks go along instead of trying to think for themselves. We have all done this but I have noticed more and more that my own tastes tend to go against things these people say. Just last month this game came out called "High on life" which critics trashed but meanwhile it was loved by the gaming community. Myself included. 

Tonight (this morning) here at work I got a quick lesson in compassion. There was this guy I saw lurking aound the property. A young brother. Dark skinned. He wore a hoodie and carried a skateboard. I noticed him setting up some card board around one of the more secluded entrances and was calling for some guards on patrol to remove him. The same guard who is one of my soda stealing suspects called out on the radio telling us she had already handled the situation. She'd told the kid since it was raining he was okay to sleep there until it stopped raining. So I guess I can message the ninjas I sent to her house and let them know their "assignment" has been called off. Much respect to her for giving a damn about another soul in need. Lets me know there is still some good left in this world.