Transference of energy.
At work this morning I got into a particularly nasty argument with "that co-worker" The guy I was in serious like with after not liking him so much and now I am right back there again. But this time it feels different. He broke my trust and confirmed something I really haven't accepted until recently. Dude really doesn't give a damn about me. He is self centered to the point where he will twist things and even lie before being held accountable for anything he does wrong. Its no wonder he's single. Seriously. I know I have some issues but I can look at other people and realize sometimes I am too hard on myself for my shortcomings.
This guy often doesn't call out his breaks on the radio so sometimes I'm not sure what time he's going. Now I always call out my break even though he says I do not. I asked him to prove that and just as he did last week when I asked him to back up a claim he was like "I'm not gonna sit here and waste my time proving something" Seems kinda Donald Trumpish. We got into a big argument because he refused to see my point and kept bringing up other stuff for us to argue about. He claimed I was upstairs for 30 minutes before I started my patrol tonight. Thats because he saw me sitting in front of my computer around 10:15pmish. I went back and looked at the digital readout on the iPhone we do our detex on and I went off the grid for maybe 10-13 minutes tops. We scan bar codes during our patrols and if anyone looked at the codes they would see where we go and how long it takes to do our rounds. At one point in the argument he even accused me of trying to be this "perfect model co-worker" yet I have never called myself that. I also noticed he kept going on as if he had to get the last word in. I think he got off on arguing because he got really cheerful and energetic afterward. But I was more in shock than anything else that he refused to accept that he often does not call his breaks and I am expected to automatically know and write down when he takes his break when I could not get him to say when I take my breaks. Someone I spoke to said I should involve a supervisor. I felt like going home but long ago I did that when another co-worker kept coming for me. I ended up out of a job while I am sure that other person didn't lose any sleep over my situation. It hasn't escaped me that some of the people who work here feel like they can just say and do whatever to me without repercussions. Its reality none of these folks are my friends. They are just here to collect a paycheck and none of them think of me when we are not onsite. As usual I am the outcast even in a place thats supposed to be a safe place for outcasts. All I can do is remember my promise to hang in here until the end of the year at least. Gotta keep my eyes on the prize. Don't quit out of anger. Do it right with notice. Until then save my money. Focus on my projects and keep my eyes on the prize as they say. Alot of people feel angry and lost and they don't have proper outlets so they take that shit out on folks sometimes just because we are there. Its not right and I am convinced much of the time they know exactly what they are doing when its happening. I gotta be careful from now on. Stick to myself. Don't talk to people or try to get personal with them because it ain't worth it. Most people I find in general lack the capability to appreciate a truly good person yet they have no problems flipping the script on you when its to their advantage or subjecting you to the fruits of their own mental illness as opposed to actually trying to fix the issues. There is a certain freedom in keeping folks at an arms length....
Update: A co-worker said that there seemed to be something in the air because other people were acting up on the floors of the shelter and also two best friends got into it and had to be separated. I really haaaaate arguments because everytime it feels like its the end of that relationship. Like it needs to be cut off right then before the person can hurt me again and I don't like seeing that part of myself. Sometimes my emotions just flow although I was more in control this morning when dude flipped on me. It was like the person I knew was replaced by this nasty individual who seemed to always know exactly what to say and he controlled the argument by dragging me in. Deflecting all the blame and turning me into this terrible person who was a worse off employee than him and there was no way I could prove otherwise. Its like he knew I wouldn't go thru the trouble to prove my point. I was only trying to get him to call out when he took his break so I could write it down but he just went far back to bring out stuff from the past that had nothing to do with the current situation. Some stuff I might have a hard time proving. And 99% of what he said was untrue. I don't know if he was saying it to hurt me or if he actually believes he's right. Do I need to start carefully documenting every interaction we have? I guess you really have no choice but to keep your distance from someone who will in a heartbeat go back and bring up stuff to hurt you instead of owning up. He will never apologize either. I know this. Why? Because like some others I know he is ALWAYS right. I get the idea he resents me for actually caring about my job and why shouldn't I? It pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head. He seems to hate working there ALOT.
No comments:
Post a Comment