I've talked with some other people who found themselves in the same situation as me. In other words some one stole from them. One co-worker told me someone broke into his house and took his computer. Two other people who work at the company told me they had their cars broken into.  While on the phone with a Sony customer service guy yesterday he told me he'd actually gone on vacation and when he got back home someone had broken into his apartment and they took everything except some chairs. I recall years ago a good friend of mine had his car stolen. And it was an old rustbucket! Crazy as that was the car was soon recovered. An ex was in a car with some other guys and they were robbed at gunpoint. He was even in another situation where a guy took his stuff then at gunpoint told him to run away and to not look back. The guy I stayed with when I went to Detroit last month had his house (which I thought to be impregnable) broken into. Maybe like a year or two ago I remember one of my nephews had posted on facebook that someone broke into his truck. One night years ago someone broke into the center and stole a bunch of computers. Someone even snatched a chain from around my mother's neck many years ago in the big apple. After hearing all these stories it really helps me put things in a different perspective. I mean as fucked up as it is they took my shit I really got off lucky. At least theres a chance I might get reimbursed for damages. But a part of me feels like this was no random event. I think I might have actually been set up and thats what makes this all the more disturbing. Maybe one day I will find out and perhaps I will get awarded damages for my trouble. The only thing that really matters is I have to recover from this setback and move on with my life. I just have to be more careful from here on out. As Duncan Macleod once so eloquently put it "No more tears".

Had quite the birthday vacation trip to Detroit. Everything got off to a bad start honestly. The light blowing out in my doorway was probably an omen I should have heeded. First off I almost left my wallet with my ID and bank cards then when I finally got to Michigan I heard nothing from the dude I was supposed to stay with. I found out days later he was in jail so I had to spend two days of my trip in a hotel until I was able to connect with another acquaintance (with really bad car brakes and no A/C). Then things took a turn for the worse because while we were parked in a garage in downtown Detroit someone went into his car trunk and stole my huge backpack which had all my clothes,my laptop,my Ipad,my ps vita my camera,my vudu streaming stick and my passport along with my work badge. As devastating as that was I took it all pretty well but then another buddy's mom had to be taken to the hospital while we were out at an African festival.  Truthfully just about everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. It was as if someone cast a spell or something. When I contacted the hotel/casino where the theft happened they had me make a police report then they told me they actually saw on their cameras the perps taking my stuff and driving off. A detective told me the perps were identified so I may have to go back to Detroit sooner than later for court. It sucks that I can't do anything other than wait and pray I can get at least some of my stuff back, Thankfully my devices were all locked with passwords except my camera. Its creepy to think of some nutcase going thru all my personal photos and shit. Its disturbing that they have my passport and work ID too. I went online to deactivate the vudu stick so they can't access my movies on it. This is all a big mess and I can't believe its probably only part one. Thanks Michigan.

So I left my job and went straight to the airport. Almost left my wallet behind! That would have caused alot of problems without my ID or bank card. My flight was pretty uneventful save for the sinus headache that took forever to go away. I get here in Michigan and the dude who was supposedly hosting didn't show up at the airport and never responded to my calls or texts. I had no choice but to check into a hotel. He made my 49th birthday a memorable one thats for sure. I think I'm actually more shocked than angry. Its weird to me that you know a person is flying thousands of miles to visit you and yet you just string them along and then throw their life into chaos by not having the decency to cancel before potentially stranding them in a precarious situation. This is the second time I have had a seemingly cool and sane person I trusted turn out to be a complete psycho. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just a bad judge of character. At this point I just gotta decide what my next move will be. I could stay here and just leave Sunday as planned. I can afford to kick it in this cheap hotel (Quality Inn). I could do some sightseeing. Maybe I'll hang out with some friends. Today I'm probably just gonna stay in the hotel and relax.That's something I had a hard time doing back in LA.

SOMETIMES ALL THE ROADS DO LEAD BACK HOME (PART 1)

(Written to the music of Slakah The Beatchild)

I called my brother tonight to wish him a happy birthday and as usual we were on the phone for almost two hours. J-zilla has always been easy to talk to. Its pretty damn awesome that we share so many common interests. Parapsychology. The power of positive thinking. Understanding we can call on our ancestors for help. Doing what we like for a living. Not eating pork,beef or chicken. Speaking things into existence. Stuff like that. Really hated having to rush off the phone with him because I needed to get ready for work but something dawned on me after our conversation. I have been a fool. All this time I have been wanting to be understood and accepted by someone (often wasting my time with by bumbaclots that are not worth it) when there was always someone there right under my nose who I basically pushed away. My family. Its not to say I have the perfect relationship with any of them and its gonna take some time to rebuild bridges time has eroded because we gotta get to know each other all over again in so many ways yet they never turned their backs on me. I felt a great sadness when I though about this. I feel it now as a write....a terrible sadness that makes my eyes water, knowing I kept people who loved me at a distance and some of those people are not here anymore. I would do just about anything to get that time back again. One of my co-workers said something last night that made me think. She said we are only here for a limited amount of time and that alot of people waste that time. So many of us are running around filled with hate or negativity. At this point I just feel I can't afford to waste any time running around worrying if some guy is gonna accept me or whatever. The truth is I have faced rejection over and over chasing after elusive emotionally unavailable folks. I have languished in pain because I didn't feel I belonged in the gay community or in the nerd community. I even felt a disconnect from the black community on some levels. I have felt I was too black for some people I wanted to like me. I felt I was not nerdy enough or not quite gay enough for some. It certainly hasn't helped my self esteem or sense of worth you know. A wise man with a bunch of wives once said it shouldn't be an uphill battle trying to get in or to feel accepted. I can't speak for anyone else but my parents and siblings and mostly everyone else never rejected me. I have certainly felt ALOT of rejection from folks I don't share blood with. Food for thought huh? So todays lesson kids is don't give your love to mother fuckers that don't want it. The best friend I never had but always wanted has been here for over twenty years and its time we spent some bonding time together before more time flies away from us. I told J-zilla lets plan a road/plane trip for later this year. He was down for it and can make plans with his job once I give him exact dates. I'm thinking maybe Halloween since I have gotten that time off approved anyway. I always take off for Halloween. Usually I like to just chill or go out of town. It would be cool if we could go to Comic Con in NY this year. It happens sometime in Oct I think....Hmmm.

Yesterday I had to shut down someone on Facebook. This person whoever they are was trying to come across like a guy who was in the military. But I have heard that "I'm a single man in the military and I'm looking for someone" line before. I was trying to have a regualr conversation with this person until he said he was in the United States Army Marines. Many of the men in my family are in the service. My dad was drafted. I have never heard of a branch called the United States Army Marines before. WhenI brought that to his attention he went quiet and I noticed I was no longer allowed to view his page. Another thing that initially set off my red flag was when he called me "Hun". Whenever someone calls me "Hun" or "Boo" it kinda makes me cringe. Especially if its a guy. I only knew one person who used to call me "Hun" often and it was a girl who used to work with me in security at the LGBT center. Sometimes you have folks in other countries who try to get money from you or straight guys or girls who like to get online and mess with your head for whatever reason. Sometimes its fucked up gay folks or even "certain agencies" looking to bust you by trying to lead you into doing something stupid. Thing is I just don't see why these people come after me. I'm a good person who genuinely tries to do good in this world. I try to live a good life. I try to stay as happy as I can. I try to go after my goals. I don't bother nobody so what goes thru a persons mind that they would want to harm me for trying to make the most out of my life? Why not take that energy and utilize it to make your own life better? Maybe you're slick enough to not get caught and you might trip me up for a moment before I catch on but wouldn't it be easier to try and befriend me or better yet to just LEAVE ME ALONE? Just the idea that some teenage white girl in Alabama is coming online with fake photos trying to fuck with the heads of gay men on Facebook is just so damn creepy on so many levels. The more crazy and sinister things I witness from humanity only serves to remind me maybe I'm not as fucked up in the head as I feel sometimes. Yeah I said it.

Role Model Dilemna.

Its strange
when I look back I see
most of my role models
I don't think they looked like me
still people though
just white people though
(Relax I love everybody)
Adam West
Gunsmoke
Lee Majors
Salems Lot
Adrian Paul
Greatest American Hero
Michael Knight
Love Boat
Lucy
Bewitched
I dream of Jeanie
Fantasy Island
Automan
Dynasty
Dallas
Flamingo Road
Falcons Crest
Hotel
Buck Rogers
Jaime Summers
and a woman of wonder
A warrior princess
a vampire slayer
a kid from Smallvile
three sisters who were charmed
two brothers with a legacy to hunt monsters
They were all mostly white
just like
pretty much all the heroes
heroines
in the videogames
cartoons
novels
and comic books
and fantasy
action
horror
adventure
picture shows
movies or tv.
Sure there was Bruce Lee
Jet Li
Jackie Chan
Will Smith
Jennifer Beals
and dare I say Cosby?
Stevie Wonder, Michale and Prince helped raise me
and Teena Marie was the cool aunt I guess
Chaka,N'Dea and George Michael took me to the rink on weekends
But
I think its safe to say
much of my rasing was
almost
entirely
by white folks
even though I lived in their worlds
I still lived in this world with the other black folks
people of color
gays and lesbians
the outcasts
who looked ALOT more like me.
Some of the white folks in the other world lived like me
even though they didn't look like me
X-men
Scanners
immortals
some of them vampire folks
they knew the deal when it came to feeling like
you didn't fit in.
I didn't talk like I was black folks told me
they still do it now
but its mostly in how they look at me
or how other folks treat me
cuz they don't know how to act
when they encounter a brother
who talks like he has some sense.
I'm not that guy they see
on tv
in those rap videos
or in those violent movies
beatin up on they women folks.
I didn't really understand why
folks used to tell me
I acted white
now I finally understand
the hows and the whys.
On the inside
even if I can be just as pro black
or as pro gay
as the next man
I think I'm probably culturally
multiracial.
A product of two worlds
not really feeling like I belong completely in either.

I heard a song by Queen today
while browsing thru youtube
"I wanna break free"
and I thought
man you are free now
it would break your heart
it is heartbreaking
to see how
the world has changed.
Can't go see a movie now
without some nut trying to shoot you
can't go to school
without some nut trying to shoot you
Can't walk the streets
folks trying to stab you
Catch the train
and they wanna push you off the platform.
Used to laugh at
those gated communities
when I first came to Cali
but now
now I understand
(Is that why I uber or lyft to work so often?)
sometimes to live in the world
you need protection from the world
sometimes we all do.