Dreams:
NOV 1st
1. Finding occupied igloos in the snow.
Dreams:
NOV 1st
1. Finding occupied igloos in the snow.
Took a trip to see my family in Florida for Halloween as I usually do and it was cool even though I didn't get to visit an amusement park this time around. I got a chance to see my stepsister Beverly who just went through a surgery on her leg. She had an infection which could have cost her her leg or even worse if left unchecked. She's in recovery until December and doing well. My little brother who has fallen into black sheep territory was nowhere in sight. I told my mother I must be dead to him and she said I shouldn't take it personally. He never calls anyone and they live right there in Florida. Well he calls when he needs something. I felt myself getting really emotional when I told my mother that. I mean to say it was strange feeling some tearful reaction wanting to surface. Joshua is going through some shit and I of all people know what its like to take time away to work on self yet dude has made so many wrong life decisions and he like so many other young black men seems addicted to smoking weed. I feel bad at times because I think maybe if I'd been more a part of his life in those early years and built a real relationship with him his life wouldn't be the mess it is today. I understand my mother and stepdad can be difficult at times yet when they tell me all the things he has put them through it just makes me angry and by keeping my distance I have probably avoided conflicts with this guy. I have heard of fights where a family member had to step in when another was out of line. Joshua is 30 now and it blows my mind how much time has flown by from when he was that cute little kid who would keep checking to make sure I was still there in the next room because he didn't want me to leave. Hopefully he gets his life together. Mom says give him time and eventually he will come back to us. I want to believe that but in my heart I'm worried about this path dude has taken. I keep really feeling he might need some kind of an intervention.